Posts tagged “Self Esteem”

So here we are, it’s February and the media is just bonkers with Valentine’s Day stuff and all things romantic. Red roses, chocolate and prosecco, love hearts everywhere. Marks and Spencer’s even have a love sausage you can woo your beloved with on the 14th! 
There's so much stuff about love and romance in the air but my question to you is do you love YOURSELF enough? And how do you show it? How many of us do actually love ourselves (and I don’t mean in an arrogant, show off type of way) and take care to treat our ourselves accordingly? 
 
Do you take good care of yourself? Do you look after yourself as if you’re a precious thing to be loved and treasured? Nope? Thought not. I’m the first one to admit that I don't possibly treat myself as well as I could. Quite often us women feel guilty about spending time on ourselves. We look after our families and prioritise making sure they have what they need, and we slide down the list. 
 
More recently I have been making time for other things that I enjoy and giving myself a break. I realise that all work and no play is not good long term. I’ve started mosaic classes, picked up my knitting needles, joined the WI. All things that are ‘me time’. It's too easy for me to end up whiling away the hours working on social media. These hobbies might seem only little things but if we start thinking about the bigger picture and self esteem and self worth it's all linked to self care. Not selfish, important. 
Opinions are like a***holes – we’ve all got one. 
Do you have a friend who has something to say about anything and everything? And who likes to share it with anyone and everyone. 
 
They like the sound of their own voice. 
 
I get invited onto local TV and radio occasionally to give my opinions on topics, sometimes it’s stuff in the news, other times it’s local interest stuff, sometimes they ask me to talk about what I do and the reasons and benefits behind certain things such as the 21 Day Style Challenge, Glum to Glam workshops, the charity Swish clothes swaps that I organise etc. 
 
For some of the light-hearted topics it’s easy to provide an opinion and chat easily about stuff. Other times when it’s a bit heavier I’m aware that I might sit on the fence slightly, hedging my bets, being diplomatic one might say. The other guest I was on with last week asked me if I was one of those controversial type guests. I’m not. But I have been on several times with that type. 
 
I find myself being a bit cautious about being controversial and alienating people – you never know who might be watching. 
 
 
 
 
Self- Image Demons 
 
Do you talk to yourself (maybe out loud or in your head) sometimes but not in a nice way? Does your inner critic say nasty things to you as you get ready for a night out? You’re trying a new top on that you really liked in the shop, it’s a bit more colourful than you’re used to or maybe it’s a different style that you’ve not tried before…you aren’t 100% sure and need a bit of reassurance that you look nice. 
Then those little voices start in your head. The self -image demons can be proper nasty little buggers with viper tongues, making vile and vicious comments. They’re evil, they know too well about all the things we’re not sure about, they play on our insecurities and affect our self-confidence. 
 
Whiney, Nasty Bitch 
 
I recently asked in my online community, the Let’s Chat Wardrobe Wobbles group on Facebook, about the kind of things SID* (Self Image Demons) might say. Most of the responses would be deemed horrid and offensive if we ever actually said them to anyone else…we’d be seen as a whiney, nasty bitch on the attack. 
In December 1999 I was very heavily pregnant. Waiting for a baby that should've been born in November. I thought someone was playing a joke on me and he wasn't ever going to come out. I'd gained almost 5 stone in weight and my boobs were like a couple of shiny watermelons. I was so uncomfortable. I'd had heartburn since the fourth month of pregnancy; it had started literally once the morning sickness passed. Liquid Gaviscon was my friend for the duration and I never went anywhere without it in my handbag. 
Reluctant to be born 
I ended up being induced 10 days after my due date. Even then he was reluctant to be born. Finally, with the intervention of forceps I delivered an 8lb 10oz baby boy with tufty blonde hair and beautiful big blue eyes. He was just perfect and I fell immediately in love with him. 
 
Life changer 
The reason I'm telling you about all this is because it was the ultimate life changing time. Having a baby changes everything about your life. If you are a parent you'll know from experience. Your priorities change and what was once important becomes less so. I had planned on going back to my college lecturing job just 3 days a week after maternity leave. That never happened, I couldn’t face leaving him with someone else looking after him while I commuted 140 miles a day to look after and teach other people’s kids. 
What size is PLUS Size? In Nov 2015 I put it out there in various social media groups that I belong to and asked ”at what size do you consider plus size to start?” 
My question was for market research purposes, not to be controversial or start a debate. Someone had suggested I ought to use the term in my marketing and was curious to see what people thought. I got quite a few responses and it seems to be a subject that ruffles feathers and divides opinion. Some people find the term offensive, mean and rude, others see it as an alternative term for unhealthy. 
 
Is it a classification or an insult? 
I personally don’t like it but it seems to be the recognised term within the fashion industry. If I’m looking for clothes online I Google ‘plus size’. The answers I got ranged from size 14 upwards but most people thought size 20 was the starting point. Is it just a term to describe a body shape? Like short, tall, athletic, curvy etc? Some of the people who responded were apologetic, as if they were worried about offending people. Others thought it might be better to use terms that seem less derogatory. 
 
Are you normal? 
I wonder why it is seen as a negative term? If you look for the dictionary definition of the word plus it has quite positive connotations… Advantage, asset, higher end of the scale, extra, a perk, prerequisite. It also says it can refer to larger than normal size in women’s clothing. What’s normal? Is it the same as average? Because the average woman in the UK is a size 16, 5ft 3″ and weighs 11 stone apparently. 
I speak a lot, in my role as a colour and image consultant, about style personality and levels of dressing. 
Knowing your style personality is the key to understanding why you have all those unworn clothes languishing in the wardrobe. Some of them even with tags on. They looked great in the shop, you really like that shirt but every time you’ve tried it on to actually wear there’s something about it that is not quite right – and you can’t put your finger on what it is. I’ll put money on the fact that it is not aligned with your innate style personality. 
 
There are 6 main style personality types: classic, urbanista, dramatic, natural, romantic and creative. We usually fall into one category, perhaps with a secondary influence. The categories determine your tastes, whether you like fuss and frills or plain and simple, the types of fabrics you prefer, the styles and shapes, sometimes colours, types of patterns and designs etc. 
 
I have a free quiz that you can take which helps you get an idea of which style personality you might fall under. – Sign up for it here...style-personality-quiz 
Be your flawesome self. What's your biggest 'flaw'? Do you think other people are anywhere near as conscious of it as you are? 
Do you think they even notice? Perhaps they are so hung up on their own 'flaws' they have no interest or concerns with yours. 
 
My biggest 'flaw' in my eyes is my limp. I've had it since childhood, I've had lifelong problem with my hip and developed a limp after one of my surgeries despite my legs being the same length.  
 
My limp has even got a name, it's... called the 'Trendelenburg Gait'. it's a specific type of limp - not just a common or garden limp. 
 
Some days it's worse than others but it's always there. My big goal after my hip replacement a few years ago was to improve my gait - it didn't happen...I'm stuck with it. 
 
I'm not telling you this for sympathy or anything. I'm telling you in order to illustrate my point ...Just recently, twice within the space of a fortnight, I was asked why I was limping by people I'd known and mixed with in my networking circle for quite sometime, they thought I'd hurt myself. 
 
My biggest flaw had not even registered with them previously, something that I'm conscious about had not even been on their radar for whatever reason. 
 
Food for thought ladies...what are you focussing on that isn't really on anyone else's radar? 
'Be yourself, everyone else is taken.' Oscar Wilde Who are you? Do you feel like you really are showing up everyday and being yourself?  
 
It’s February and our thoughts turn to Valentine’s Day and all things romantic. But my question to you this week is do you LOVE yourself enough? And how do you show it? How many of us love ourselves (and I don’t mean in an arrogant, show off type of way)? 
This time 17 years ago I was very heavily pregnant. Waiting for a baby that should've been born in November... 
Do you know Tryer Tracey? She’s always on a diet of one kind or another.  
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